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My paracosm

Random thoughts and creative outlets

It starts with a bad feeling

It starts with a bad feeling in your gut
A tiny uncomfortable knot growing bigger and bigger
Stretching out your insides inch by inch
Suddenly bursting and spreading throughout your whole body
Like a poison
Suffocating you
Killing you from the inside
Your body is jerking, shaking
Panicking
Screaming
An aggravating pain
The despair at the tip of your tongue
The lump in your throat
You are choked up
You are fed up
A fog, a thick cloud shrouting everything
And then the silence
And then the silence
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Branching

It has been some time, but I am here again

At first you were just a small thought now and then
A tiny seed among the trees within
But as time passed the seed grew, my love for you
Its branches spreading to every corner of my mind
Whether I am asleep or awake, I cannot think of anything else
Its roots piercing deeper into my heart
Whether I am happy or depressed, I cannot love anyone else
A tingling feeling underneath my skin
A tree of love has grown within
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Suddenly I see

The silver-grey hairs shining on their heads

That time shows its marks, that one day they will be dead

That one day I will be the one standing in their place

Packed with old memories and a leather skinned face

Haunted, burned and replayed

The ghost has returned haunting every corner of my mind

Possessing my dreams, possession designed

to drive mankind mad

Someone call an exorcist who can expel it

With crosses and holy water and what else which is needed

you are once again all over my thoughts


The fire is lit with desires thought to be extinguished

Warming my heart or burning it with anguish

Did this not end in ashes

A  burned out cigarette butt, but what is this instead

An inferno, a wildfire, a phoenix out of the abyss

how can you bring it all back again


You and me are a fairytale that never started

A book with no pages, a song never recorded

A comedy, no happily ever after

One-sided love not meant to be replayed in my ears

and yet you hum this melody, even after two years

why are you playing it like that

The mask

Photo 10-09-15 19.40.35

Screaming for help, who is there to ask?

Underneath my smile, underneath my mask.

I pray for all the refugees

All these innocent people drowning, starving, thirsting, dying

Running away from war, women and children crying

Seen horrible things, unimaginable for you and I

And yet there are some out there, wishing them to die

Wishing them to go back to the flames and ruins they fled from

Narrow-minded and unsympathetic what have this world become

How can my government be so blind, embarrassed to have this nationality

I pray for all the refugees

I will

No longer let people’s negativity penetrate my mind

Shut my ears from their oblivious voices

Leave all my doubts and insecurities behind

Instead love the imperfections that are truly mine

Pray to always be kind and always be strong

Fight all the demons that still live inside

Know that only to myself do I belong

Finally realize that I was a swan all along

I, myself and me

I’ve been out in the sea, deserted and lost, with no one else but me

With my own twisted mind and these written words as the only company

It makes you bored and boredom leads to creativity, with pens and brushes

and dreams of romance and kisses with daunting crushes

It makes you think about who you are in this big messed up world

it makes you feel, that this thing called loneliness is very real


Like a buddhist monk or a greek philosopher, you begin to wonder

and sometimes under the bright sun your sanity breaks under

you forget who you are and see things which isn’t there

you forget what’s important and that there are people with lives more unfair

that having is giving, that at first it seems like you are alone in the sea

but underwater life is buzzing and consists of much more than just I, myself and me

Who is she!?

A little poem about how obsessively jealous us girls can be sometimes. 


Who is that girl posting on your Facebook page

My mind is calm, but my heart filled with rage

I see you liked her post

I see you’ve like the most

of her social media doings

My hands are sweaty, breathing heavy

There is no better feeling than jealousy

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