My paracosm

Random thoughts and creative outlets


Fiction and poetry


It has been some time, but I am here again

At first you were just a small thought now and then
A tiny seed among the trees within
But as time passed the seed grew, my love for you
Its branches spreading to every corner of my mind
Whether I am asleep or awake, I cannot think of anything else
Its roots piercing deeper into my heart
Whether I am happy or depressed, I cannot love anyone else
A tingling feeling underneath my skin
A tree of love has grown within
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Suddenly I see

The silver-grey hairs shining on their heads

That time shows its marks, that one day they will be dead

That one day I will be the one standing in their place

Packed with old memories and a leather skinned face

Haunted, burned and replayed

The ghost has returned haunting every corner of my mind

Possessing my dreams, possession designed

to drive mankind mad

Someone call an exorcist who can expel it

With crosses and holy water and what else which is needed

you are once again all over my thoughts

The fire is lit with desires thought to be extinguished

Warming my heart or burning it with anguish

Did this not end in ashes

A  burned out cigarette butt, but what is this instead

An inferno, a wildfire, a phoenix out of the abyss

how can you bring it all back again

You and me are a fairytale that never started

A book with no pages, a song never recorded

A comedy, no happily ever after

One-sided love not meant to be replayed in my ears

and yet you hum this melody, even after two years

why are you playing it like that

I will

No longer let people’s negativity penetrate my mind

Shut my ears from their oblivious voices

Leave all my doubts and insecurities behind

Instead love the imperfections that are truly mine

Pray to always be kind and always be strong

Fight all the demons that still live inside

Know that only to myself do I belong

Finally realize that I was a swan all along

I, myself and me

I’ve been out in the sea, deserted and lost, with no one else but me

With my own twisted mind and these written words as the only company

It makes you bored and boredom leads to creativity, with pens and brushes

and dreams of romance and kisses with daunting crushes

It makes you think about who you are in this big messed up world

it makes you feel, that this thing called loneliness is very real

Like a buddhist monk or a greek philosopher, you begin to wonder

and sometimes under the bright sun your sanity breaks under

you forget who you are and see things which isn’t there

you forget what’s important and that there are people with lives more unfair

that having is giving, that at first it seems like you are alone in the sea

but underwater life is buzzing and consists of much more than just I, myself and me

Who is she!?

A little poem about how obsessively jealous us girls can be sometimes. 

Who is that girl posting on your Facebook page

My mind is calm, but my heart filled with rage

I see you liked her post

I see you’ve like the most

of her social media doings

My hands are sweaty, breathing heavy

There is no better feeling than jealousy

All the memories

Sometimes my mind just drifts away, like a boat drifting away from shore

heading for the sea, which is filled with what if and what will be

and sometimes it happens in the deepest corner of my mind, oh pour

me a glass of wine, its bitterness suitable for this feeling of mine

a faint whisper or a song maybe, of what you were and could be to me

Your face, your voice your everything, resonating through my memory

like rings in the water first one and then another, one day after the other

I know “we” are in the past and that it would never last, but every

time I think I have it confined, it comes calling from the darkest alley of my mind

for even the biggest wave was once just a water ring, love is a wicked thing

Eventually I wake up from my deep thoughts, like waking from a nightmare

worse than dreams of torture and death, painfully I take a deep breath

and come back to reality, for here and now is where I should be, and somewhere

out there you are living without me, I will try to do the same in some degree

but sometimes it happens that my mind drifts away, and all the memories starts to replay

Girls night out

Hair, nails, make-up oh my God what to wear, several hours wasted

Celebrating ourselves and our single lives, ex-boyfriends hated

Selfies, Instagram, hashtags, Facebook, narcissism created

Drink as if you know nothing of hangover, dance as if no ones watching

Boys starring, checking you out, looking up and down

Surrounding you on the dance floor, like a predator hunting its prey

They’re all looking for a good time, all wanting to play

You pretend like you’re above that, like they have no chance

But in reality you like the attention, you like the adoration, to get in their pants

Smiling, flirting, looking like a skank, all a miserable facade

Girls what you need is not a drunken adventure

What you need are some good books and your natural looks

It is the law of physics

And old poem I wrote two years ago when rose-colored glasses where in.

You are the dark matter that keeps my milky way from collapsing

You are the particles that collide in order for my matter to form

You are the strong forces that hold my protons and neutrons together

You are the generator that converts my energy

You are my action and reaction

You are the solution to my equation

Without you I cannot exist

If you were the sun then I would be the planet orbiting you

If you were an electron then I would be your negative charge

If you were a digit then I would be your unit

If you were a light source then I would be the photons emitted.

You are my action and reaction

You are the solution to my equation

You and I are linked

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